It's 7AM and you slowly open your eyes to find your self in a mood to skip school for a day. Your parents had already left for work and there is no one to stop you from falling back asleep. Your eye lids slowly close, then pop back up and then slowly and ever so gently fall back down as you drift off to sleep.
You wake up to find nothing to do in the house. While you walk to the kitchen to get something to eat you find the door of the attic slightly ajar. You reach for the door knob and close the door. The door squeaks and opens again. This time curious, you open the door wider and slowly walk up the stairs. You reach the top. Everything is dusty and covered with white sheets. You have never been in the attic before. Beams of light penetrate through the small windows high up in the ceiling. You take the end of one of the white sheets and pull it to uncover what is hiding beneath it. It's a pink baby's crib. It must have been your's. You take the end of another white sheet and uncover it. It's another baby's crib but in blue. You imagine your mom getting every kind of baby materials in every color when she had you. You look around and walk towards the next object covered under the white sheets until you stumble and fall upon something on the floor. There were two baby rattles, one in blue and one in pink. You take both in your hands and rattle them with a smile but then you stop. The blue rattle made no sound. All the beads must have fallen out. You get back up and pull off the next white sheet. It's a drawer. You open the first drawer and find all kinds of baby's clothing that are almost all pink and white. You assume that they are your's and pick up a small hat and feel it against your cheek. You open the second drawer. It's also filled with baby's clothing almost blue and white. You reach to pick one up but stop because they are not your's. You turn around and stare at the broken blue rattle laying on the floor and the blue baby's crib alined with the pink baby's crib. You take two steps backwards and knock over what looks like a photo album. You pick it up and wipe off the layer of dust covering the words on the album. It read "Memories With My Baby." You open the album to find many pictures of you and your parents when you were just a baby. Instead of finishing it you close the album and reach up the shelf to put it back but one photo slips out of the album and lands on the floor faced down. It read "my lovely baby twins John & Kate." You turn over the photo and find your mom, dad, you, and another you in the picture. And you say, "I'm Kate. Who are you?"
I really like how after the first paragrpah you never mentioned school. I totally forgot that this story was about staying home from school and that was exactly what you were suppose to do. Also, I love the last line "And you say, "I'm Kate, Who are you?" It adds humor to an otherwise mysterious piece. good job!
ReplyDeleteI like how the door "squeaks and opens". It sounds like a scene in a horror movie. But when you uncover different things you used when you were a baby, it brings up so many warm memories that we might have gone through. The ending is awesome, I want to know what is going to happen next.
ReplyDeleteSince the beginning of the story I was curious to see where the story was going so that made it suspenseful for me. I like the surprising ending as well. My favorite line is at the end when you say "I'm Kate. Who are you?" because it went perfectly. It was a nice shocking ending. I really liked how you included details on the two things (two cribs, rattles). This piece is creative and works because it is interesting to grasp.
ReplyDeleteYour opening was really descriptive and that's probably how i feel each day i get up, but somehow manage to get myself to school. I like the idea that you don't necessarily have to go out and doing everything possible when playing "hookie."
ReplyDeleteI really like how she just randomly finds the door to the attic and decides to go up there. I liked the ending and makes you want to know what will happen next.
ReplyDeleteThis is really great. I love how the girl discovers she has more to her past then she knew about. You forget that she even had school to attend that day. It was almost like she was destined to find that she had a brother when she was younger. It makes you want to read more because you want to know what happened to her brother.
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