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The sun light reflects off of the ocean.
The ocean looks icy cold but yet it is warm and refreshing
The breeze of the wind has a tint of a minty scent mixed with the smell of sea water
Sea weeds, and bubbles rush to shore
The fine sand below the feet feels warm and powder like
Small pieces of sea shells lay broken mixed with the sand
There are sea gulls soaring freely through the wind as they look for a food source
The nervousness overwhelms her head
The thought the he will not return for her makes her scared and lonely
Lieing to her dad makes her feel guilty
She comforts her by imagining his face
There, she waits and slowly falls asleep.
Based on memoirs of a teenage amnesiac.
The ocean looks icy cold but yet it is warm and refreshing
The breeze of the wind has a tint of a minty scent mixed with the smell of sea water
Sea weeds, and bubbles rush to shore
The fine sand below the feet feels warm and powder like
Small pieces of sea shells lay broken mixed with the sand
There are sea gulls soaring freely through the wind as they look for a food source
The nervousness overwhelms her head
The thought the he will not return for her makes her scared and lonely
Lieing to her dad makes her feel guilty
She comforts her by imagining his face
There, she waits and slowly falls asleep.
Based on memoirs of a teenage amnesiac.
I love how the wind tastes like mint. You also did a great job focusing on the things I see at the beach...the bubbles...the pieces of shells. Grea thread through her feelings.
ReplyDeleteI like how you describe the sun light and the wind. The scene is just beautiful, but inside the girl is loneliness and guilt.
ReplyDeleteI really like yours a lot. I love the details you put into it. I like the line " there she waits and slowly falls asleep. based on memiors of a teenage amnesiac". Its just really well written. You can almost feel the pain of this girls heart. Its really good.
ReplyDeleteI love how your first stanza is so peaceful and makes the beach seem like the perfect place to be. And then you contrast the feeling in your second stanza with lonlieness, I can easily feel the girls pain and picture her sitting and waiting anxiously among the peace of the beach.
ReplyDeleteThe contrast to the beautiful and amazing scenery, to the loneliness thats building up inside this girl makes this poem come alive. It brings this energy and mystery that actually makes me want to read this book. This is a great piece. :)
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line is "Sea weeds, and bubbles rush to shore." I love the imagery, and how it gives the reader a sense of the rushing water.
ReplyDeleteI felt like i was at the beach while reading your first stanza. It seems like the girl is in pain and trying to forget about what happened.
ReplyDelete